10 Parents I Became (After Swearing I Would Never)
Before Gunner, I would watch other children and think, "Oh that will never happen with my future children." You know... the ones who listen all the time, never take off their diaper and run away, or push their food over their tray to the endless pits that are our dogs. And then I had that sweet child and I understood the look all those "terrible" parents were giving me. It was the anticipation of "told you so, told you so" while sticking out their tongue. The good news is I can now give that look. Judge away but when you have told your 1 year old 7 times to stop licking everything in your cart at WalMart, being able to give that look gets you through the minute.
I took a little stroll down memory lane of parents I would never be and did become one hundred times over in the last 20 months. (You could technically count this as the first one-giving your child's age in months past 12. People do not want to do that much math. Even people who love you and your child.)
1. The parent that buys Nike shoes. I thought it was nuts that Nike could put $40 on a pair of shoes smaller than my hand and even more nuts that people would pay it. I made it to the walking/running stage before I bought them (whatever makes me feel better right??). Here was my logic: a. they were dark but neutral color b. they were Velcro-sooo easy for me to put on... and him to take off c. he is moving a lot more now and could use the structure d. they were so cute on him. I had a battle for about 3 minutes before I actually went to the counter. The lady thought I was trying to steal them I'm pretty sure. By the way, I have a pair of neutral Nike's for sale with only one month of use. Sigh.
2. The parent that doesn't realize no one else can understand their child. My sister would always look around the room with such pride after my nephew would say something. I had not a clue what it was. Not even close. She could understand without a problem. This is like the more sophisticated version of knowing your kid's cries. Gunner talks a lot. I have conversations with him while others politely wait for me to interpret. It must just be a rite of passage.
3. The parent that dresses terribly with a stylish child in tow. If you have ever tried to get ready with a kid around, you feel my pain. Gunner enjoys painting the walls with the toilet brush while I attempt to straighten my hair and throw on some mascara. Lately, deodorant counts as ready. He is always going to be in a cute (matching) outfit with a clean face and socks/shoes if we leave Cross Plains. I figure this way there is less chance CPS will get a call, amiright?
4. The parent that only posts pictures of their kid (or write blog posts about them). My facebook might as well be Gunner's. I only post pictures or statuses about him. My other popular topics are how I do not like my job some days or being stumped for dinner ideas. I realize Gunner's activity list is not super long so right now it is more about the different clothes or poses but still. I appreciate everyone who likes my endless pictures. I will do the same when your time comes.
5. Similar to #4, The parent that only identifies as (fill in blank)'s Mom. The most recent example would be my team in the fantasy football league we did. Team Gunner. He has no interest or stake in this team and yet there is his name. I know I am well on my way to t-shirts with his name and number for various sports. I can't wait-it will probably need rhinestones!
6. The parent that continues shopping when their kid is obviously over WalMart. I'm sorry you have to listen to him cry and whine. We started this trip with smiles and full cups of water and snacks. That was an hour ago and for all that is Holy, I have 3 things left. I'm going as fast as I can, I promise. I'm sweating, this sucks, just try to avoid us.
7. The parent that way overdoes birthdays... just kidding this was always me and will be until the day I die. Once my kids are too cool for mom planned birthday parties, I will force others to let me help with their family memories.
8. The parent that tells the birth story of their child. When I was pregnant, I listened to a million (this might be over exaggerated) stories about all the babies that were ever born. Some were scary and some were gross. I would think "we have our tentative birth plan, we are good." After Gunner was born, I caught myself doing the same exact thing. War story of sorts. I make an effort to check myself around preggos now just in case.
9. The parent that thinks talking back is cute. I used to think parents were nuts that would laugh when their kids said no or something similar. How could they think disrespect is cute?! Because it kinda is. Right now, he is not actually talking back (mostly because he cannot articulate yet) but just not listening then waving at me and saying "Hi Momma". There may or may not be times when I have had to turn away to remove the smile from my face before disciplining him.
10. The parent that slap a handprint on something and call it a gift. Guilty as charged. Gunner has given a flower pot with handprints, cards with terrible coloring and I already have stuff waiting in the Christmas closet. To be fair, I give a store bought gift too. Becoming Gunner's mom has not fully clouded the memory of a nice (untouched by tiny hands) gift.
For all the parents out there, you have (most likely) been nodding along. For all the non parents out there, I am giving you the "told you so, told you so" look. Sweet anticipation.
I took a little stroll down memory lane of parents I would never be and did become one hundred times over in the last 20 months. (You could technically count this as the first one-giving your child's age in months past 12. People do not want to do that much math. Even people who love you and your child.)
1. The parent that buys Nike shoes. I thought it was nuts that Nike could put $40 on a pair of shoes smaller than my hand and even more nuts that people would pay it. I made it to the walking/running stage before I bought them (whatever makes me feel better right??). Here was my logic: a. they were dark but neutral color b. they were Velcro-sooo easy for me to put on... and him to take off c. he is moving a lot more now and could use the structure d. they were so cute on him. I had a battle for about 3 minutes before I actually went to the counter. The lady thought I was trying to steal them I'm pretty sure. By the way, I have a pair of neutral Nike's for sale with only one month of use. Sigh.
2. The parent that doesn't realize no one else can understand their child. My sister would always look around the room with such pride after my nephew would say something. I had not a clue what it was. Not even close. She could understand without a problem. This is like the more sophisticated version of knowing your kid's cries. Gunner talks a lot. I have conversations with him while others politely wait for me to interpret. It must just be a rite of passage.
3. The parent that dresses terribly with a stylish child in tow. If you have ever tried to get ready with a kid around, you feel my pain. Gunner enjoys painting the walls with the toilet brush while I attempt to straighten my hair and throw on some mascara. Lately, deodorant counts as ready. He is always going to be in a cute (matching) outfit with a clean face and socks/shoes if we leave Cross Plains. I figure this way there is less chance CPS will get a call, amiright?
4. The parent that only posts pictures of their kid (or write blog posts about them). My facebook might as well be Gunner's. I only post pictures or statuses about him. My other popular topics are how I do not like my job some days or being stumped for dinner ideas. I realize Gunner's activity list is not super long so right now it is more about the different clothes or poses but still. I appreciate everyone who likes my endless pictures. I will do the same when your time comes.
5. Similar to #4, The parent that only identifies as (fill in blank)'s Mom. The most recent example would be my team in the fantasy football league we did. Team Gunner. He has no interest or stake in this team and yet there is his name. I know I am well on my way to t-shirts with his name and number for various sports. I can't wait-it will probably need rhinestones!
6. The parent that continues shopping when their kid is obviously over WalMart. I'm sorry you have to listen to him cry and whine. We started this trip with smiles and full cups of water and snacks. That was an hour ago and for all that is Holy, I have 3 things left. I'm going as fast as I can, I promise. I'm sweating, this sucks, just try to avoid us.
7. The parent that way overdoes birthdays... just kidding this was always me and will be until the day I die. Once my kids are too cool for mom planned birthday parties, I will force others to let me help with their family memories.
8. The parent that tells the birth story of their child. When I was pregnant, I listened to a million (this might be over exaggerated) stories about all the babies that were ever born. Some were scary and some were gross. I would think "we have our tentative birth plan, we are good." After Gunner was born, I caught myself doing the same exact thing. War story of sorts. I make an effort to check myself around preggos now just in case.
9. The parent that thinks talking back is cute. I used to think parents were nuts that would laugh when their kids said no or something similar. How could they think disrespect is cute?! Because it kinda is. Right now, he is not actually talking back (mostly because he cannot articulate yet) but just not listening then waving at me and saying "Hi Momma". There may or may not be times when I have had to turn away to remove the smile from my face before disciplining him.
10. The parent that slap a handprint on something and call it a gift. Guilty as charged. Gunner has given a flower pot with handprints, cards with terrible coloring and I already have stuff waiting in the Christmas closet. To be fair, I give a store bought gift too. Becoming Gunner's mom has not fully clouded the memory of a nice (untouched by tiny hands) gift.
For all the parents out there, you have (most likely) been nodding along. For all the non parents out there, I am giving you the "told you so, told you so" look. Sweet anticipation.
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