One year later in July..

Please understand that I am VERY humbly writing this post. I know my 15 months of mothering experience is a mere fraction of some of the greatest ladies in my life and others that I will never meet. I just wanted to write this as a sequel to my repost of the letter to myself. The saying that “Parenting doesn’t get harder, just a set of different challenges” has held true. I now have a walking and climbing, blonde hair little boy. He has figured out that standing on your toes lets you reach things on counter tops. (At this point the only safe place is above my head which means I forget where stuff is.) He wants to hold a spoon 24 hours a day and reminds you until you give in. But he also randomly will give you a hug and a kiss just because he wants to. Day made. 

So here are the lessons I have learned and we have not even made it to the teen years!

1.       You and your partner will not have the same parenting styles. That is ok. It does not mean one of you is wrong. Different personalities handle situations differently and you will both make mistakes (hourly sometimes!). No scorekeeping people. Your main goals are the same: love your child and raise him to be respectful. On big issues, discussions will need to happen but don’t let your opinion hinder the way your partner loves your child.

2.       There will be things that I will hide from Gunner. Right now, it is the candy bar he will want to eat with me. Later, it will be when someone is purposefully hurtful or other tough situations. I know I cannot block every bad thing and person from Gunner but I want him to have the freedom of being a kid as long as possible.

3.       Being a grown up sucks sometimes. I can already tell that the life isn’t fair lesson will be harder on me than him. Right now, he is upset when he doesn’t get to play with scissors or eat dead bugs. Life will get harder when he deals with true disappointment. I need to prepare myself for his heartaches because they will hurt more than my own.

4.       Choose your battles or lose your sanity. I recently had the stomach bug and had Gunner as Dusty was working on a Sunday afternoon. I was so tired that I let him rummage through a box of markers that he had attempted to get for months. It was thirty minutes of playtime for him and three minutes of clean up for me. Absolutely worth it.

5.       Sticking to your guns is much harder when you have a little blonde boy asking “pease” in the cutest little voice. I know limitations are important for him.. and my sanity. I just repeat this mantra when he is looking at me with those dark brown eyes. (As a side note: Don’t teach too many things within a few minutes of each other. Gunner says “pease” and makes the sign for more... Oops. )

6.       Grandmas will always be more popular than you. Unless Gunner is hurt or scared, he will choose BonBon or Gigi. I think it’s a law of the universe. He has even done the sad cry from the car seat as we are getting ready to leave. His tear are fake, their tears are real.

7.       Never say never. When I was pregnant, I did not want any of the licensed characters stuff. Gunner has recently decided to like Mickey Mouse. Now if I see something “mouse” in a store, I have to stop and see what it is. We have a nightlight, plush toy, figurines, etc. Oh well. This circles back to choose your battles.

8.       You will get advice from everyone. People who have not had kids in decades, people who have a child running around like a wild banchee, people who love you and your kid, people you might want to punch in the face. I could not wear my wedding ring for a few weeks after Gunner was born. A man in his 80’s saw Gunner and myself at Target and asked if my baby had a daddy. It took everything I had to smile at him and say he is just at work. He fell in the category of people I wanted to punch in the face.. with my swollen non ring wearing fingers.

9.       Your references will change entirely. Dusty and I went on a kid free date to watch a movie. A commercial came on showing kids starting high school and all the things they would search online… how to talk to a girl, etc. It shows them growing up through the four years and searching colleges, prom dresses, graduation speeches. By the end of the commercial, I look at Dusty, knowing he will have tears in his eyes too. Pre Gunner, we would have thought about our high school years. Now, we think of our baby moving through that stage… and we cry 16 years in advance.

10.   You might have to fight for your identity a bit. It is hard to see yourself as an independent person when you are lugging around a pump, a lunchbox full of milk, a diaper bag, a seat cover, a child, and the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that you should be your “old self”, being a parent is a switch that can never undo. I am saying that I am still a friend, employee, daughter, sister, and wife. Being a parent makes me better at these roles but I have struggled to find my worth in them.

And so I will continue on, trying to be the best I can be for my family and myself. I know that I will have many more lessons. I will reach the point of tears many times over. I will beat myself up for not knowing what to do. Gunner will say I hate you at some point most likely. I will go to bed tired for many more years. I will try my best and make up the parts that seems scary and overwhelming.

I will appreciate my blessings, especially the little blonde one, and the daddy hugging him.