restaurant gods!
This weekend, we went to eat with friends. It occurred to me how much has changed since pre Gunner to now. Here is a short comparison…
Walk into restaurant holding hands. Put name in and find a chair to wait for table. Talk to cute kids.
Follow hostess to table. Sit down and look at menu. Take the time to really analyze the options.
Order drinks. Most likely an alcoholic beverage. Order an appetizer after some debate as to which one. Continue looking for the best dinner ever.
Drink and appetizer comes. Order meal. Chat about.. I do not even remember what we would chat about before Gunner.
Eat appetizer. Chat randomly. More food shows up and is consumed.
Waitress brings ticket. Give waitress debit card. Argue about how much to tip.
Leave restaurant.
Ahhhh! Don't you enjoy a nice meal with your significant other. No dishes. Just perfect.
Check the diaper bag for snacks, a cup, and diapers as husband gets kid out of car seat. Walk towards restaurant. Realize you did not bring toys. Go back to truck while husband takes kid in. Walk into restaurant by yourself. (If you are just starting to use restaurant high chairs, do not forget the high chair cover. A few months in and you care way less.)
Put name in with hostess. Sit down to wait for table. Let kid down because he is whining. Get up to pull kid away from various people. Sit back down. Try to find something to occupy kid. Give him phone. Kid drops phone. Look over at people as you rub their leg to pick up phone. Pray to the restaurant gods to call our name. Repeat from the let kid down step. Try not to sprint to the desk when your name is called.
Follow hostess to table. Smile as kid waves at every single person you pass.
Decide who will sit on what side. Move menus away from kid. Move silverware away from kid. Take snacks, cup, and toys out of bag. Try to sale those things to kid so you can look at menu. Pick up toy that was dropped. Talk to kid. Laugh at his craziness.
Scramble to order a drink when waitress shows up. Tea or water. (Except if you are my husband, then you will order a beer no matter what.) Have a horrendously long conversation about when to order Gunner's food while waitress smiles but rolls eyes internally. Order too soon and he is done when you are still eating. Order too late and you have TONS of time to kill with a toddler. Decide to order later and share appetizer with kid. Get a little crazy and order a fruit smoothie for kid.
Pick up toy that kid dropped….again. Tell him, "No no." Put napkin over face to entertain kid. Play peek a boo with kid. Make hat for kid. Wonder where in the world the drinks are.
Drinks and appetizers arrive. Thank the restaurant gods. Move drinks at least another foot away from kid after waitress puts them down right by him. Amateur. Order random thing from the menu because you have not looked at the menu since you ordered an appetizer. Turn kid around from his people watching and waving.
Feed kid large quantities of fried broccoli and calamari. Offer kid fruit smoothie. Laugh at lemon face kid gives. Tell kid to stop sticking crayons into smoothie. Karma for laughing at kid's lemon face earlier. (Karma works SO much faster with kids.) Take crayons out of smoothie. Put in napkin.
Stuff five pieces of broccoli and calamari into mouth while kid is sitting still. Make sure kid is still eating. Offer tea to kid. Try not to notice the floaty things. Stuff five more pieces of broccoli and calamari in mouth. Wonder if one year old should eat calamari.
Dinner is brought to table. Remember at that point you did not order kid anything. More sharing! Give kid food from your plate. Eat food as quickly as possible as you talk to kid and move food around in front of him to make it look new. Realize that kid is about to do the helicopter clean up. One of you grabs hands while the other sweeps food pieces to the side. Put in napkin or on plate. Ask for ticket from any restaurant employee or person who made wore all black by mistake.
Give kid toy as you try to finish eating. Turn kid around from his people watching and waving. Decide who is more finished with supper. Winner takes kid outside. Smile as kid waves to everyone and says, "byyyyeeee." Loser finishes up supper and pays ticket. Collect all the "necessary" crap the kid barely touched from table. Pick up all the food from under high chair. Find baby and other parent outside and walk to truck, praying to the restaurant gods that you didn't forget anything or make the black list.
Realize maybe you should have stayed home where kid does not have to wear clothes and dogs can clean up the helicopter sweep. At least there are no dishes still.
Without kids:
Walk into restaurant holding hands. Put name in and find a chair to wait for table. Talk to cute kids.
Follow hostess to table. Sit down and look at menu. Take the time to really analyze the options.
Order drinks. Most likely an alcoholic beverage. Order an appetizer after some debate as to which one. Continue looking for the best dinner ever.
Drink and appetizer comes. Order meal. Chat about.. I do not even remember what we would chat about before Gunner.
Eat appetizer. Chat randomly. More food shows up and is consumed.
Waitress brings ticket. Give waitress debit card. Argue about how much to tip.
Leave restaurant.
Ahhhh! Don't you enjoy a nice meal with your significant other. No dishes. Just perfect.
With a kid:
Check the diaper bag for snacks, a cup, and diapers as husband gets kid out of car seat. Walk towards restaurant. Realize you did not bring toys. Go back to truck while husband takes kid in. Walk into restaurant by yourself. (If you are just starting to use restaurant high chairs, do not forget the high chair cover. A few months in and you care way less.)
Put name in with hostess. Sit down to wait for table. Let kid down because he is whining. Get up to pull kid away from various people. Sit back down. Try to find something to occupy kid. Give him phone. Kid drops phone. Look over at people as you rub their leg to pick up phone. Pray to the restaurant gods to call our name. Repeat from the let kid down step. Try not to sprint to the desk when your name is called.
Follow hostess to table. Smile as kid waves at every single person you pass.
Decide who will sit on what side. Move menus away from kid. Move silverware away from kid. Take snacks, cup, and toys out of bag. Try to sale those things to kid so you can look at menu. Pick up toy that was dropped. Talk to kid. Laugh at his craziness.
Scramble to order a drink when waitress shows up. Tea or water. (Except if you are my husband, then you will order a beer no matter what.) Have a horrendously long conversation about when to order Gunner's food while waitress smiles but rolls eyes internally. Order too soon and he is done when you are still eating. Order too late and you have TONS of time to kill with a toddler. Decide to order later and share appetizer with kid. Get a little crazy and order a fruit smoothie for kid.
Pick up toy that kid dropped….again. Tell him, "No no." Put napkin over face to entertain kid. Play peek a boo with kid. Make hat for kid. Wonder where in the world the drinks are.
Drinks and appetizers arrive. Thank the restaurant gods. Move drinks at least another foot away from kid after waitress puts them down right by him. Amateur. Order random thing from the menu because you have not looked at the menu since you ordered an appetizer. Turn kid around from his people watching and waving.
Feed kid large quantities of fried broccoli and calamari. Offer kid fruit smoothie. Laugh at lemon face kid gives. Tell kid to stop sticking crayons into smoothie. Karma for laughing at kid's lemon face earlier. (Karma works SO much faster with kids.) Take crayons out of smoothie. Put in napkin.
Stuff five pieces of broccoli and calamari into mouth while kid is sitting still. Make sure kid is still eating. Offer tea to kid. Try not to notice the floaty things. Stuff five more pieces of broccoli and calamari in mouth. Wonder if one year old should eat calamari.
Dinner is brought to table. Remember at that point you did not order kid anything. More sharing! Give kid food from your plate. Eat food as quickly as possible as you talk to kid and move food around in front of him to make it look new. Realize that kid is about to do the helicopter clean up. One of you grabs hands while the other sweeps food pieces to the side. Put in napkin or on plate. Ask for ticket from any restaurant employee or person who made wore all black by mistake.
Give kid toy as you try to finish eating. Turn kid around from his people watching and waving. Decide who is more finished with supper. Winner takes kid outside. Smile as kid waves to everyone and says, "byyyyeeee." Loser finishes up supper and pays ticket. Collect all the "necessary" crap the kid barely touched from table. Pick up all the food from under high chair. Find baby and other parent outside and walk to truck, praying to the restaurant gods that you didn't forget anything or make the black list.
Realize maybe you should have stayed home where kid does not have to wear clothes and dogs can clean up the helicopter sweep. At least there are no dishes still.
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